Present moment relationships

present moment relationships - cora darlington

Hey, Wonderful One

I am sure that you have all heard about the benefits of ‘Present Moment Awareness’, the practice of focusing exactly where you are rather than allowing your mind to constantly play over things that have happened in the past, or things that you have to do in the future.

Today I want to talk with you about the true need for present moment awareness in our relationships.

A few years ago, my husband went through a fairly tough time with his business. At first, it caused lots of tension between us and I judged him quite harshly during that difficult time. I did not understand or agree with some of the decisions he was making and I was resentful for the impact it was having on our family. I was filled with fear and I didn’t miss one opportunity in telling him how I thought he was failing., I was definitely not winning any wife of the year awards!

But, bit by bit we found our way together, and I look back on that time as a real test of our relationship. I learnt A LOT about my marriage, myself, and the transformation that takes place when you trust that the Universe is supporting you.

As so often happens, the tough times give birth to something far better and all was well…EXCEPT that it wasn’t!

I was still stuck in the past and I was holding him there with me.

One day, I was encouraging a client to REALLY see herself as she is now, in this present moment, rather than holding herself in the past and judging herself so harshly. I told her to look in the mirror and see the person that she is today and celebrate everything that had brought her to this moment.

When I got home that night, I was chatting to my husband about his day in work, and thinking about the wonderful session that I had just had, when I suddenly became acutely aware of my thoughts as he was speaking. The voice I heard was still full of judgement and criticism, even though things had really turned around both in business and in our marriage.

In that moment I realised that I was not SEEING my husband in the present at all, instead I was looking at him through the lens of the past, still silently holding him accountable for old challenges.

I had stopped criticising him out loud, but I had frozen him in time in my mind. When I looked at him I was not seeing the man he had become, I was seeing and hearing the man that I had judged as not being ‘capable of making good decisions for himself or our family’.

I was shocked and deeply ashamed.

The man that stood before me had grown so much, he had faced his demons and had triumphed beautifully, but my eyes and ears had been closed.

That realisation was a HUGE turning point, not only in my marriage but also in every other relationship in my life. I made it my absolute intention to see every person as they are right now, without overlaying them with old opinions, judgements and perceptions.

Each morning we are born again, it who we are today that matters most

The results have been BEAUTIFUL and have resulted in the first real conversation with my lovely Mum ever.

We, of course, talk all the time, but I had always been a daughter talking to her mum before and now I was just a person talking to another person. I forgot all that I thought I knew about her and tried to see the woman sat before me. I asked her questions about herself and her life like, what was her favourite thing to do when she was a child? ‘What was her early nursing career like?

I found out things about her that day that I never even knew, and got to know her in a way that I never ever expected.

It has changed our relationship entirely.

Being completely present with the people in your life allows a more loving and light space to open, and you find yourself engaging with each other in a VERY different way.

You gift them the space to grow and change, and in a very real way, you are giving yourself the same gift.

Cora x

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