There are times when you have to give yourself full and complete permission to just BE STILL, breath, nourish and nurture YOU.
For a little while, I have had to do just that.
Life sent me a challenge in the form of a poorly Mum, and for a time I attempted to ‘push through’ and keep going. You see I was right in the middle of some delicious creating for you all, lots of wonderful new things planned for the New Year, and so I decided I would keep it rolling.
Slowly but surely though, I paid the price.
The first thing to go was my creativity and my clarity. All the inspiration I was feeling just seemingly got up and went on a LONG holiday. I just kept on staring at a blank screen unable to type ONE SINGULAR WORD, in fact, if someone asked me my name I don’t think I could have told them with any ease! Self-judgement quickly followed in the form of a fearful voice full of self-doubt, crippling comparisons and frustration (funny because I was sure I had silenced that voice FOREVER).
The second thing to go was my physical health, in SPECTACULAR fashion! I was bed bound and unable to lift my head from my pillow, EVERY cell of my body ached, and I just crumbled.
My emotions changed every hour from extreme frustration to anger, from hopelessness to deep sadness, and FINALLY I just gave up the struggle and listened to the clear, loving guidance of my Soul.
My intuition had told me early on that I needed to ‘just be’ with what was happening, that I should slow down and pay attention to what I REALLY needed, but fear kept me pushing forward anyway.
Fear of not achieving the things I wanted before my deadline of the New Year, and a deep fear of actually facing the sadness of my beautiful mum’s cruel illness. I had no idea of how I could remain full of light and love in the face of something so dark, and I knew that I could not even begin to fix it.
So, I began with the ONLY thing I knew I could do, and that is to LOVE.
That love HAD to start with me, I lay in a little more because it simply felt good to do so. I read a book without the need to collect notes and inspiration for future projects. I turned off my phone when I was with my loved ones (still doing that, it is life changing), I went to the beach A LOT and cat napped at every chance I had (delicious), lit candles, sank into long baths, and watched belly aching funny films…you get the picture.
Mostly I consciously made the decision to ONLY do the things that felt easy and wonderful to me, and not give any airplay whatsoever to that horrible, nagging and urgent voice that warned of impending disaster if I did not ACT QUICKLY!
It is well with my SOUL
As I began to breathe again I became clear on EXACTLY what my lovely mum needed from me.
She just needed me to LOVE her and NOTHING more.
So, I just to sit with her, hold her hand, cuddle her, TALK LESS and just breath into what is. No fixing, no resisting, no denying my sadness when it comes, just a gentle and graceful acceptance of the way I feel AND the way that she feels.
The truth is, sometimes the circumstances of life are not easy and magical, but there is ALWAYS blessings to be had and valuable lessons to be learned.
My beautiful blessings are the new depth of closeness and peace that my mum and I are experiencing (I will be eternally grateful for that), and that I am paying more attention than ever to that still, calm voice.
I am noticing with renewed wonder that as I follow that guidance AND ONLY THAT GUIDANCE, my life flows with such grace and ease, and what once felt fearful and hard to me, suddenly feels lighter and brighter.
I am writing again! You know that because here it is lol, BUT I am writing because I WANT to, and not because I SHOULD and that feels bloody AMAZING.
I have discovered that BEING STILL is the new ACTION TAKING for me.
But, it takes courage to be still when we live in a world that tells us that we are only productive and worth anything if we are taking action. It is not easy to create space to listen when the circumstances of our lives seem so urgent, but when we don’t we miss out on the INCREDIBLE GUIDANCE that calls us consistently toward our greatest joy, even when we are experiencing the more challenging times in our lives.
Action that is taken from a place of stilllness FIRST is inspired powerful action and it is the essence of living a truly SOUL guided life.
What is your Soul telling you today?
Be still and listen.